Oil Change Instructions For Women
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money Spent
Oil Change $25.00
Coffee $2.00
Total $27.00
Oil Change Instructions For Men
1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2. Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew drain plug.
11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18. Sunday: Skip church because, "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27. Drink beer.
28. Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30. Drink beer.
31. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32. Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33. Begin cussing fit.
34. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36. Beer.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45. Beer.
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Call loving wife, make bail.
50. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money Spent
Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00
Total $4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right!
Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
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Re: Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
Thats funny!
1967 Camaro
Hey I gotta 9 sec car, in the 8th! lol
Jegs
Mike Curley Racing
Capital Raceway
Maryland International Raceway
Hey I gotta 9 sec car, in the 8th! lol
Jegs
Mike Curley Racing
Capital Raceway
Maryland International Raceway
Re: Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
that is funny chit right there
best to date N/A 8.91@153
psca westcoast heads up racing open comp
67 Camaro RS/SS
BBC Powerglide 4800 stall 4.11 29.5x10.5W
http://www.chpdragracing.com
psca westcoast heads up racing open comp
67 Camaro RS/SS
BBC Powerglide 4800 stall 4.11 29.5x10.5W
http://www.chpdragracing.com
Re: Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
Oh man, I'm still laughing !!!!
1969 ProStreet Camaro RS Best 9.75@139 1.46 60'
Blown 427 BBC, TH400 w/Brake, Back-Half Ladderbar
Narrowed 12-Bolt, 4.10 Gears, Spool, Moser 33 Spline
http://www.marsh-racing.com/harrys_camaro-1.htm
Blown 427 BBC, TH400 w/Brake, Back-Half Ladderbar
Narrowed 12-Bolt, 4.10 Gears, Spool, Moser 33 Spline
http://www.marsh-racing.com/harrys_camaro-1.htm
Re: Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
LMAO!!! How true....
Blackhoodmafia!!!!
1972 Nova SS
572 C.I. BBC
Best to date: 1/8
et: 5.28
mph: 134
new wt. 3340 lbs
1972 Nova SS
572 C.I. BBC
Best to date: 1/8
et: 5.28
mph: 134
new wt. 3340 lbs
Re: Oil Change Instrutions For Women and Men
Chicks just don't get it either.
73 Vette, moly back half
Pump gas 496
Two Pro Systems 950's
Chance 6000 converter
Pump gas 496
Two Pro Systems 950's
Chance 6000 converter
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